There are moments when you’re next to me that I forget everything that’s happened in my past.
I forget there was a time when I felt like I wasn’t worth anything. It was long nights of crying and feelings of just pure pain. It was wondering when I was going to be able to look at myself in the mirror and not see the wounds that he had left that were still so fresh.
But now, with you by my side, I’m starting to remember who I am again.
I suddenly see who I was before all of the hurt and all of the pain. It’s coming back to me that I was someone who believed in people. Someone who trusted everyone first and had no problems giving people glimpses of who I was. I remember I was someone people described as happy.
After all, you’re the kind of person that makes it easy to trust, and even easier to fall for. You’re exactly what I’ve always wanted and knew I needed but convinced myself would never happen. Sometimes, I just want to reach over and run my hands through your hair so I can feel how soft it is between my fingers. To feel how real the feeling is, how real you are. I can literally feel the elation in my body when we sit a little too close together. When you say my name, I can honestly tell you that I’ve never heard something so beautiful in my life. Because when you say my name, I know it’s because you’re seeing me.
It’s a weird feeling, you know. Happiness. It’s strange to feel it when all you’ve been feeling for a while is numbness. Happiness is that feeling of warmth in those dark parts of your heart that felt cold. Happiness spreads throughout your entire body and radiates from you like the strongest light in the world.
And honey, you make me so fucking happy.
Because when I met you, I was broken. I was a shell of myself just trying to get through the day and battle my demons on my own. Before you, I don’t know if you would have liked me very much. I was cold, bitter and everything I never thought I would end up being. My friends saw the change, and loved me anyways because they know my past. They know how it has made me stop believing that being with someone would ever be reality for me again. But then there was you. And I have to admit, this scares me, too.
You scare me like no one else has before.
I thought I knew what calm and content felt like, but now that you’re in my life, I don’t think I truly knew much about those things at all. There is no one else I want to fall into when things become too much because you are so completely special. You’re different. The good kind of different that every girl dreams about.
You have shown me something new. You have made me realize that trust and vulnerability can feel like they’re second nature. You have made me feel that I am enough just exactly the way I am. That’s no easy feat.
I would love to say that I’m playing this cool but I am so completely uncool. And you already know this. You know me. The real me who’s not afraid to admit she’s scared. The me that’s not always the center of attention and is actually content with being quiet with someone. You see those moments when I’m less than stellar and manage to be there anyways.
The boys before you made me feel like I wasn’t anything special. The boys before you didn’t make an effort or care to remember the little details. The boys before you were exactly that; boys. But you? You are a man. A man who knows who he is and what he wants. There’s nothing sexier than that.
I don’t think I’ve ever seen your kind of handsome before. The kind that exudes that you might not know everything but you know you. The kind of handsome that makes me realize that this what I want to wake up too in the morning and kiss goodnight.
I’m not sure what this is or what this will be but thank you.
Thank you for being so easy to fall for. Thank you for being there. But most of all, thank you for letting me be me.